Citrus-Based Terrorism

Their base of operations was inconspicuous enough; cardboard signs and a flimsy canopy to provide shade from the blistering summer sun. To the untrained eye, they could have merely been innocent children trying to raise money for cancer patients… but something far more sinister was at play here. Citrus-based terrorism…

This is what criminal activity looks like

Luckily bravery and quick-thinking on the part of a Montgomery County Inspector put a stop to the pint-sized terrorists’ nefarious commerce . The plot was simple, occupy space in close-vicinity to the US Open in Bethesda, Maryland. Once the golf tournament kicked off, heavy foot-traffic was guaranteed. Next step? Erect a lemonade stand, thereby terrorizing pedestrians with refreshing cold beverages.

The plot was foiled after the heroic government busy-body used his powers of inconvenience and economic hindrance to issue a hefty fine of $500. The violation? Operating a lemonade stand without a permit. Mandate was issued for the children to immediately cease their capitalistic pursuits. Perhaps next time, these micro-terrorists will think twice about setting up shop on Persimmon Tree Road.

See normally the state isn’t going to charge a bunch of kids two years-worth of allowance for a Lemonade stand, but normally, kids aren’t actually successful with their business ventures either… you know how it goes. Success must be punished, and the wealth must be shared.

Let’s get down to it, this is the US Open, and that Lemonade is the talk-of-the-town…. and Uncle Sam didn’t get a cut. Unacceptable. The government-salaried busy body had a brief verbal exchange with a terrorist sympathizer, one Carrie Marriott, believed to be a mother of at-least one of the wicked children.

The inspector reminded Mama Marriott that Justice didn’t make exceptions, “Kids selling lemonade making five to ten dollars is a little bit different than making hundreds”


So this is what a government FOR and BY ‘the people’ looks like. ‘We the people’ fine children FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for experimenting with entrepreneurship. Oh and they were raising money for what? Cancer research? Bah, that’s okay. The fine will go to a good cause, the police force needs new radar detectors. It would be tragic if a cancer patient got into an auto-accident while speeding on the way to a chemotherapy treatment.

It’s like night of the living dead, only instead of zombies eating your brains, there are government employees (usually the same thing as zombies) eating away at everyone’s bank accounts. In an age of de-industrialization in America, financially broken municipalities seem to be hiring more and more ‘enforcement’ officials to bring in supplementary revenue. It makes me wonder just what kind of value the people who take these jobs are offering to their community?

I have an idea…

Instead of asking folks ‘’what do you do for a living?’… why don’t we all start asking this: ‘what do you produce?’

Imagine if an IRS agent, or a county inspector was posed that question… what are they going to say?

Inspector Worthless McUsless: Producer of Fines

‘Oh me? Well, I produce inconveniences and economic hindrances’

or a TSA Agent?

TSA Agent: Producer of trauma, molestation experiences, and physical discomfort.

‘I keep the skies safe by supplying traumatic experiences to innocent travelers!’

Listen kids, there is no American dream… and our cameras caught you throwing that Soda can away at lunch time (you know carbonated beverages are prohibited at your public school!). Pick up than can citizen, and pay the fines. Your environmental terrorism is unacceptable.



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